How to Waste Time

How to waste time:

Place any primary importance on what others think of you.

How not to waste time:

Be aware of who you really are and spend time every day doing and creating things around that.

I used to wear more interesting clothes. In my early 20s, this was one of the more obvious ways I expressed who I was. Not so much right now. I feel more blended in.

I’m a dad now. I spend time thinking about boring stuff that I find actually interesting. Like the differences in salted & unsalted butter. I generally spend very little time considering what clothes I put on my body. Instead, I opt for the same pair of REI pants I’ve worn, mostly everyday, for the last year and a half.

This is catching up with me. There’s something about a fit and I’m missing it.

Style is rather inconvenient and curating one takes creativity. Creativity takes courage. And blending in is much easier than courage.

Creating a style I liked used to bring me confidence. I knew it was me, completely, and that provided a hedge against blending in and being like everyone else. It was an act of not caring about what other people thought about me.

My sophomore year of college, I dyed my hair blonde! I think I made a bet with someone over a round of golf and that was what was on the line. I lost and I followed through.

I don’t think I’d make that bet right now and I certainly wouldn’t follow through.

Why does it feel so unnatural and “something you do when you’re in your 20s” to live like this when you get older? I think this style of decision making in fact probably one that belongs in your 20s, but there’s a version of this kind of risky behavior that I could do right now, and that’s what feels unnatural to me.

I don’t like that it feels unnatural.

Here’s why I think it feels unnatural, though: The stakes get raised much higher when you’re out of your college/early post-college years. Or, at least, we’re just more aware of what people say the stakes are.

Careers, reputations, job titles, LinkedIn clout, hustlepreneurs, yada yada yada. It’s all a bit stiff.

It’s just people playing along to their group’s song. It’s not all bad, but it lacks some necessary beauty and creativity.

I think though, if you can find ways to reject this, or at least resist it, and continue your own way by wearing the clothes you want to wear or dying your hair blonde, as it were, you eventually get somewhere as yourself, not as just a “Product Manager” or even just a “Dad”. But with you as both of those things and like 15 more.

Reduction to any one thing is irresponsible to you and the people you’re in relationship/community with.

Single points of failure break the system and end the game.

Wear what you want to wear.

Stand out.

Be many things.

Know the 2 or 3 things about you that don’t change.

Blend in when you need to blend in.

Raise the right stakes. Lower the wrong ones.

Just find your unique way to play the game.