The Middle

Buckle up. Today, we’re talking about taxes.

Being that it is tax season, I ventured out to H&R Block this week to see about writing off a laptop I bought at the end of 2022 for some contract work I’ve been doing.

This is something that other, older, adults in my life confidently told me would be possible before I bought the laptop.

The H&R Block isn’t far from my house and I had been working at a coffee shop (also not far from my house) before my 3 pm appointment. Around 2:54 pm, I optimistically shuttled away from the coffee shop with the laptop in hand, just over the hill to the H&R Block.

Walking in, I was struck by how cubicled the room was. I could hear people in this room but I couldn’t see anyone.

I was greeted by a mostly-empty gallon of hand sanitizer (surely a leftover remnant of COVID) and eventually the receptionist, Cheyenne.

I spoke to Cheyenne the day before on the phone and explained that I wanted to come in and see about writing off my laptop for work, but otherwise wanted to take the standard deduction. Of course, I have no idea whether that’s possible, but she billed this as a free consultation so I thought it wise to explore.

Standing in the doorway hesitantly, I ultimately decided to ask to use the restroom before my consultation and asked if that’d be alright. Cheyenne assured me that it would be and, like the navigator she is, pointed over to where I could find it.

The bathroom was also unflattering. It had modern staples such as automatic lights, but also an industrial-sized water heater in the corner with the usual mop hanging over the side. As I did what I intended to do in there, I could still hear the conversation happening between a tax professional and another citizen of this country.

Since I could hear them very well, I was sure they could also hear me.

Leaving the bathroom, I headed back out to the lobby and, for some reason, decided against sitting in the waiting area. Instead, I stood in front of the door again as if I’d just arrived.

Cheyenne directed me to the sitting area.

I was pensive. The yearly cycle of rolling the proverbial tax dice that tell you whether you’re getting a “return” or “owe” is a point of anxiety for me.

In that way, the waiting area in this drab H&R Block felt like being in a doctor’s waiting room after a postponed physical examination. Something would be coming back my way that would affect my bottom line and I had to enter the cubicle (exam room) to find out what it was.

After a reasonable two to three minutes, a nice woman named Deborah (a tax doctor) showed me to her cubicle. As I sat down across from her and the standard black office computer with the associated keyboard that all coworkers can hear being punched around, I launched into my simple request:

Deborah took a look at the laptop and then back at me. After taking it all in, she began to diagnose. “Well, do you use it strictly for work? They don’t like it to be used for any personal use.”

I knew who “they” was: That Hunger Games feeling agency called the IRS.

I said that I use it for 80% work, which was a stretch of ~30%. Deborah sort of skipped over that detail like a doctor might skip over a patient saying they drink “about 5-9” drinks a week when on the subject of alcohol. Not enough to comment on, I guess.

To round out the diagnosis, in a very unhealthcare sort of way, we got to what this would cost.

Thinking back to the $1,200 I spent on the laptop, this hardly sounded worth the time. My inner patient decided against taking the doctor up on an x-ray for a problem that won’t exactly solve anything. Even though it might give more information, somehow it feels like its own tax.

I also resisted the temptation to Michael Scott this situation and ask for her to “crunch the numbers” again.

And at that moment, I found myself in The Middle.

The Middle is a place in this country - or any country - with just enough systematic coverage, by way of goods and services, to help but just enough frustration in using them that you don’t want to.

Often The Middle can be found in the middle class. Citizens in this bracket can find themselves in places like H&R Block thinking that they’re going to take advantage of something like a tax write-off on expenses they take on to try and get ahead, only to find an undue burden placed on them for trying to get ahead in the first place.

When the system doesn’t work, it really doesn’t work. Even with good health insurance, going to the doctor is a gamble. You need to go in sharp and alert to ways you might leave with costs you didn’t anticipate.

Being in The Middle can incur several to many small costs; ranging from an H&R Block experience to buying a good used car that turns out to have significant troubles - just nothing you can do.

If we’re not careful, this can erode trust, lead to nihilism, or worse, sports gambling.

In extreme cases, The Middle can have one to a few big generational costs. Like my wife and experienced, you can find out after the birth of your first child that, in fact, your OBGYN was covered by your health insurance but the hospital (the only one they deliver at) was not in network. And you’re now expected to pay that $24,000 bill out of pocket.

Bummer. Thanks for trying. Back to The Middle.

After Deborah finished telling me about the rest of the things that self-employed workers can write off, like meals and mileage, I was hardly inspired to actually try any of that. I thanked her for her time and walked back to the carpeted doorway, past the crusty jug of sanitizer, past Cheyenne’s desk, and out to my car.

I walked in optimistically and walked out dinged. The whole experience felt like a loss even though I didn’t pay any money. Mostly because I was again aware of being in The Middle.

I hate this realization.

And yet, I’m trying to recall the Jimmy Eat World lyrics from the banger The Middle:

I can’t accept that The Middle will overcome me. I have to believe that The Middle doesn’t get to win. That it just takes some time.

Stuff I’ve been into

Readies

I’ve been reading the Cyber Patterns newsletter recently and super enjoying that. Creative process. Humor. Good stuff.

Music

Some friends showed me this band last week. Smooth soul sounds.

Doing

I’ve been starting work at like 6:30/6:45am and working for like an hour or so before the kids are really up. I like that it’s time that I can get some stuff done before emails and messages start getting #sent. I also feel like I get a bonus hour back during the day to go on a walk.

Peace,

Andrew