On Turning 30

From the top:

• Welcome back, friends.

• Happy Sunday.

• Read time: a short one this week, with a hook.

• Meme theme: The Office

See you out there.

So there I am, lying in bed a few months ago just minding my own business and waiting to go to sleep, when a sudden instance of my mortality struck me: I am turning 30 this year (yesterday).

I wasn’t actually sure, so I confirmed with my wife Sadie in the form of a question: “Am I turning 30 this year?” said I. Said she but a simple, Yes.

And so one’s eyes close. The curtain begins to draw on the stage of 20s Andrew.

This decade was, for the most part, mostly a living-in-the-moment kinda deal. It was a blast. It had hard stuff. The decade I worked on a fruit and vegetable farm out of college. The decade I fell in love and got married in. The decade I had kids in. The decade I really saw people — friends — my age die for the first time.

The decade I bought a motorcycle on Craigslist that I rode like 4 times in. The decade I went to New York City more often in like a year and a half time period than I got a haircut in.

This decade, the one that ended in a pandemic, soon closes with the mystery of what the 30s will mean akin to wondering whether Movie Pass will really make it this time.

This last week and a half in particular has brought a lot of thought and reflection. Our son turned 3 last weekend and I think seeing that - his youth, his total disregard for anything but the absoluteness of his present moment - really got me in my head about how much of my life is lived thinking about next Tuesday. Thinking things I need to do or want to accomplish by then. Thinking about that next job I’ll pick up that will really solidify our finances. Or, what’s the hack I haven’t thought about yet to squeeze the most out of it all with the least amount of effort?

I’ve written about this tension a decent amount. The tension between wanting to be someone who is aware of the now but gets stuck living in some unrealized future.

Physically, it seems possible to me (based on a podcast — mark 4:15:50 - 4:18:31 — I listened to) that no moment really exists but this one. The one that I’m typing in. The one I’m uncertain in. The one I’m laughing in. The one I’m cold in, or amazed in, or loved in.

So, why not live there? Why not be there?

Lots of reasons friends, and that’s where the good work is.

I considered writing 30 thoughts on turning 30 for this week’s newsletter. Instead, I wrote what I wrote.

And — here’s that hook I was talking about — I am choosing to write 1/30 thoughts today, and a subsequent thought for the next 29 days.

Not to worry; I’m not going to spam your inbox every day with these thoughts. If you want to read them you can head over to my website (andrewginn.fun) which is where they’ll show up each day under the Daily Blog.

Here’s that thought. 1/30:

People are eager to speak and tell things about themselves — and deep things like, “I’m ready to have kids” — if you bother yourself to hear it.

Stuff I’ve Been Into

Just a poem this week from the good man, Wendell Berry.

I have thought considerably these last few days of the line, “Be afraid to know your neighbors and to die. And you will have a window in your head.”

MANIFESTO: THE MAD FARMER LIBERATION FRONT

Welp, have a great week. Thanks for reading.

Andrew